Go

I should go.

I really need to go.

Now.

He looks so peaceful. Has he ever looked that peaceful before? Is it awful that I don't remember if he did? When would he ever have looked peaceful with me anyway? Or innocent? Can vampires look innocent? That's not important is it? Not right now.

I need to get moving.

Should I wake him? No of course I shouldn't. Silly Buffy. Let him sleep. I need to do this alone anyway. And I'm going. Right now.

Nine apocalypses later I'm still scared. I should be used to it by now. But this is the big one. And one of us lying here on the bed isn't going to come out the other side.

And that's another frightening idea. Because part of me wants this to be the end of me too. I'm living on borrowed time here. Stolen time really. I shouldn't be here. In every sense of the word. And I'm going...

But what if it's Spike? Can I live without Spike? Isn't that rather like Holmes trying to live without Watson? No wait. Not Watson. That's a whole other... Moriarty! Of course he didn't live without him did he? He died.

Spike's just..

He's just...

He's Spike.

He's my... my... friend.

Well done Buff. Only took you three years. You might want to tell him before the world implodes.

Can I tell him that? Can I say "you're my friend"? Would he laugh in my face? Would he hate me? No. Of course he wouldn't. He'd never hate me would he? If I drove a stake through his heart he'd tell me he loved me. And if I told him I loved him...

Oh my God.

Do I...?

Whoa, whoa. This is so not the time to be thinking about that.

I need to get out of here.

I don't have anymore time though.

If I love him, I have to tell him.

Not now though.

Now, I should go.